Excited to endeavour to express his artistic side via a new
medium, I’ve been assured that the motivation behind the actions in which my
good friend (who will remain nameless, out of respect) partook that I’m about
to describe, stemmed only from a desire to achieve what was best for the
production for all involved.
Upon being cast for their various roles, he along with the
others were issued a score, script and cd featuring the musical’s key tracks
and provided with the simple instructions that they were to familiarize themselves
with each before formal rehearsals began. Well, one can only imagine the dismay
he and his fellow cast members experienced when practises started and they
discovered that one of the featured tracks was to be performed in a completely
different (MUCH higher) key than what was featured on the disc. Worse, the
leads in the song were clearly “actors” more than “singers” and their struggle
to hit the right pitches was apparent to everyone.
Several under-the-breath comments, grimaces and questions
were issued toward the musical director (MD, for short) of the production, but
he seemed either oblivious or uninterested in catering to the strengths of the
cast. My friend gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was the former and
sent him a politely worded email that I agree was anything but confrontational
bringing this concern to the MD’s attention. The message emphasized that my
friend was merely speaking on behalf of himself and SOME of his fellow cast
members with whom he’d conversed, and proposed that perhaps at the next
rehearsal a poll could be taken to see how everyone was feeling in regard to
the new key of the song.
Now admittedly, this was my friend’s first ever experience
with community theatre and therefore he’s willing to admit it’s possible he did
not correctly follow protocol here, however it only seemed logical to him (and
me, for that matter) that if one had a music-related concern, they’d address it
toward the music director. But I digress…
Believe it or not, my friend’s seemingly innocuous act
addressing what he felt was only a minor concern led to all hell breaking loose
and the MD proceeding to send out a mass email to the entire cast and crew
accusing my friend of being the ringleader in a “mutiny” against him. Instead
of even attempting to resolve this matter professionally (keep in mind my
friend even offered to apologize to everyone despite the fact he’s still not
certain where he went wrong), my friend was as they say “cut” from the show.
Now there are several different psychological concepts this
story houses within itself (ie: outgroup versus in-group mentality and
“scapegoat-ism” to mention a few), but I’d like to offer a theoretical hypothesis
for the MD’s over-the-top response:
Generally as a result of some sort of trauma or bullying
they've experienced, certain individuals (usually those with pre-existing
insecurities) develop what is known as a “hypersensitive” disposition as a
means of self-preservation. Essentially, on a subconscious level their minds
become primed to react consistently in a “survival protectionist mode” (also
known as “defensiveness”) anytime anyone proposes even the slightest objection/suggestion
in regard to their actions. Given that I’m told the MD was an eccentric fellow
and member of a minority group, I’m gonna hazard a guess and suggest that he
likely continues to be/has been in the past tormented by others.
Because of this hypersensitivity, such individuals are
unable to react rationally (ie: non-defensively/non-emotionally/non-combatively)
even when NO clear “personal attacks” are issued (personal attacks to be
discussed at length in the near future). As leadership mentor Shelley Holmes
explains in her hit e-book, Influence
Your Way to Success, a hypersensitive reaction occurs when one feels
psychologically “unsafe” in conversation. This feeling of “unsafeness” is
triggered by a fear of, “being found to be less than what they want others to
perceive them as, a loss of status, [a belief that one’s] self-image is under
challenge, [a belief that one’s] self-esteem is threatened or finally a fear of
rejection”. Basically, anything that doesn’t fit into the context of “praise”
regardless of the tone used, content discussed or the person who is uttering
said remarks is interpreted as a means to “go to war”.
It’s important to recognize that the MD’s elected form of
strategy (ie: to form a gossip train) instead of having a mature adult
discussion with my friend directly or at the least asking the director of the
show to act as a mediator between them to resolve the issue, further
exemplifies (t)his behaviour is rooted in insecurity: why else would one launch
a “smear your enemy/pity me campaign” unless it were to seek the validation of
others and therefore denounce any sense of personal responsibility for causing
the concern? That’s highschool tactics 101.
The biggest problem however when it comes to hypersensitive
individuals is that if you point out their defensiveness, it generally only
leads to them then becoming defensive about being defensive. Eugh! Suffice it
to say there’s a reason that defensiveness has been labelled one of the “four
horsemen of [relationship] apocalypse” by psychology professor and marriage
researcher Dr. John Gottman. It not only impedes communication between parties,
but ALSO self-reflection on behalf of the individual afflicted by this issue. The
reality is this: defensiveness like depression is ultimately something the
bearer of said behaviour has to overcome by first being willing to admit they
have a problem.
If you should ever (god forbid) find yourself in a situation
wherein you’re dealing with a hypersensitive individual, how you react in turn
will undoubtedly be affected by your relationship to him/her. If, for example,
you’re dealing with a loved one, the best advice I can offer is to gently
remind them that the motivation behind whatever you’ve said or done that’s
resulted in their defensiveness is purely coming from a place of care and
therefore there is no need for them to feel threatened. If on the other hand
you encounter this behaviour from a stranger, superior or someone with better
established political ties within the group, you may very well be screwed as my
poor friend was.
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